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Most have a steam room (or wet sauna), dry sauna, showers, lockers, and small private rooms. Some, such as Hawks PDX, offer so-called "bisexual" nights, where anyone is welcome regardless of gender.īathhouses vary considerably in size and amenities-from small establishments with 10 or 20 rooms and a handful of lockers to multi-story saunas with a variety of room styles or sizes and several steam baths, hot tubs, and sometimes swimming pools. īathhouses offering similar services for women are rare, but some men's bathhouses occasionally have a " lesbian" or "women only" night. In general, a gay bath is used for having sexual activity rather than only bathing. In gay slang, a bathhouse may be called just "the baths", "the sauna", or "the tubs". The outside world finds them eventually, and there are always people looking to exploit their vulnerabilities.īy raising my kids with a knowledge of diverse experiences, I hope to give them the confidence to be who they are and openly love their family and themselves.A gay bathhouse, also known as a gay sauna or a gay steambath (uncommonly known as a gay spa), is a commercial space for gay, bisexual, and other men to have sex with men.
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I know that shame is waiting for every child as they grow up. My goal is not only to normalize their familial experience but also to remove some of the shame that may inevitably surround their identity.
It's a privilege to teach my kids that they are part of a world in which we can learn about and celebrate our otherness, and in my family, that begins with immersing them in queer culture whenever possible. Whether or not they identify as queer, they'll have the tools to be confident in themselves as they mature into adulthood.
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I want to initiate conversations while they're still young, in the hope that they grow up knowing that they can not only talk to us about anything but also feel free to embrace their own identity. I don't want them to have to guess how we feel about them, or leave them with unanswered questions.
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In fact, I want them to cherish these differences and value their unique qualities, and those of their neighbors from other cultures, races, and ethnicities. Story continues I want our kids to accept who they and their friends areĪdolescence is fraught with pressure to fit in - for both the queer and non-queer communities - and I want my kids to grow up with the knowledge and confidence that it's okay to be different. We can read them books and answer their questions, but infusing their lives with the language of our family's experience, and engaging with the queer community, may help them avoid a future of shame surrounding their identity. We want their queer community to feel special to them, but normal, too. We want them to have a different childhood from either of us.
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With two contrasting adolescent experiences, Sam and I have talked a lot about how to raise our own kids. They never had a conversation about her sexuality. My mom walked in without knocking, and when she saw us, she just closed the door." When her mom asked about the girl the next day, Sam said, "it was in a normal way, not a coming-out conversation." Her dad finally noticed when girls began staying over and Sam's bedroom door was closed. "When I was 15, I had a girl in my room, and we were kissing. "I never really had to come out," she told me. Same-sex relationships were normalized for my wife, Sam, when she was much younger than I was. My wife's experience was different from mine Still, I wonder what my young life would have looked like with examples of the queer experience, whether in movies, on TV, or in my real world. My inability to appreciate queerness until adulthood felt like a barrier as I entered the LGBTQ community, but through the years I've cultivated incredible friendships and a deep love for my queer bubble.īeing able to blend my family into this world has been a privilege I've never taken for granted. My wife never had to come out to her parents because they already knew. Being bisexual and dating a woman wasn't an easy road for me to navigate, but my parents tried to keep up.